I had to write some of this before I sobered up. I was on the train, and waiting at the train station after I’d had a few, and ‘half’ of all the barriers had come down. I thought: there is not that much stopping me from saying to a girl/woman: would you like me to kiss your body, to give you a bit of physical pleasure in your life? I could do to you whatever you want, and not an inch more, I could make you very happy in a temporary sense, for who doesn’t want someone who is even vaguely attractive to fulfil those needs, those wants, those sexual desires and dreams? Do women feel like this, ever? Sure I’m writing this from a guy perspective, but in theory I would love some sex form just about anyone who is even vaguely attractive, although I understand that some aspects of getting together with a person are not so desirable, because I feel them too. I can’t kiss anyone who I am not attracted to, I have to close my eyes. And, sometimes after I have my clothes back on I’m utterly relieved that it’s over with, and I’m not sure why, since all I think about while I go around in life is how much I want a woman to have fun with me.
Ah, drunkenness. Suddenly you think: why don’t I just live life as I want, why don’t I just talk to people naturally instead of the social barriers-inspired small talk? And then the buzz fades and we’re left with normal society again, the reserve that stops us from discussing things frankly with total strangers, and I wish, I wish, that I could just talk to people about what I want, about what she wants, that deep down desire that we dare not voice to anyone except to a special person who comes along once in a blue moon, and who we lose just as easily.