My interview with Contiki

Who, at least in concept, wouldn’t want to be a tour guide in Europe? I cut loose in this interview, because they would either love me or hate me but I would not be cut because I was too anonymous.


Me: “Things are already difficult without all of us treating each other badly on top of that.”
Interviewer: “But that’s human nature mate. Isn’t the big picture more important than individuals?”
Me: I didn’t have any choice on this one, because the day before they had specified a situation in which a girl had to be left behind on tour so that the tour could continue. “Yes but…” In reality, NO! NO! NO! and a thousand times no. The big picture is not bigger than the individual because the big picture is made up of individuals. If one person suffers and ten are cruising, that one person’s suffering doesn’t just disappear because he’s outvoted. He’s still a person with feelings. In hindsight I’m furious I didn’t say this, but my little idiosyncratic views probably dug my grave somewhere else along the line.


Interviewer: “Have you read our brochure?”
Me: “No.” It simply hadn’t occurred to me; I really am that simple-minded in a real-world sense. I think I glanced at their website three months ago but that was three months ago. My brother later said, “Why didn’t you just say yes? You’re an inconvenient truther, and not in an Al Gore kind of way.”


Me: “I see eye-to-eye with a wide variety of people. I can talk about books with the quieter ones and I can talk about footy or soccer or whatever to more… (pause) simplistic people. (Another pause.) I didn’t mean for that to sound condescending. That’s just a fact. Some people think very deeply about things and some are happy with what they see in front of them, (gestures to the air) right here. I don’t think that’s a bad thing.”
Interviewer: “So are you a here and now person?”
Me: (Thinks) “Yes.”


Me: “Most people think intelligence is about making things more complicated. I think real intelligence is about using your intelligence to make things more simple. As simple as you can, without throwing the baby out with the bathwater.”
Interviewer: “So you think academics make things more complicated, just to make themselves look more intelligent?”
Me: My contempt for academia is complete, so I answered without hesitation. “Yes.”
Interviewer: (Smiles) “I’d have to agree with you on that.”


Interviewer: “How would your friends describe you?”
Me: “They would probably say that I have a lot of kindness. And they would probably say that they’re not sure where I’m coming from at times.” Whoops. At least I know where I’m coming from.


Me: “There’s only so much you can say in interviews.” I actually said that. As in, if you talk too much and give too much of yourself away you’re dead. Much like wooing a female, really.


Those were the highlights but I was sharp and engaging, it went better than it looks on paper (um, on screen?).

My private verdict: I reckon I’d be an awesome tour guide. I speak four European languages, I would smile and give a shit about each and every person under my charge, I’m fun and laugh and play sports and dance and all that, I speak well and I know heaps of shit about heaps of shit. And, I have an American passport so I would be free to work for their problematic American tours. What the hell else could they possibly want?

Their verdict: No. Sixty other people were better than me.

Post-verdict: Is it a given to feel bitter against the person/place/entity that rejects you? Or am I being mean-spirited? Fuck you Contiki, you den of rip-off tours for drunken pisshead fuckwits. And fuck you Europe, you pretentious lot of holier-than-thou hypocrites. You spent 3,000 years fighting each other and 500 years fucking the globe up (America’s only been doing it for 60, and they’re the assholes? How did Spain and France get off scot free?) and now you have the nerve to turn around and tell us what to do because you’re now too weak and tired to do anything yourselves? All that’s left for you is to be reverse-colonised by the immigrant descendants of the very countries you once colonised. Your day is done.

3 thoughts on “My interview with Contiki

  1. The feeling of rejection from a job is a strange one. It’s not MEANT to be personal, but bloody hell it is. At least you got the interview. In the past three months I’ve been rejected STRAIGHT OUT, BEFORE any interviews by about 13 companies, with only ONE interview request at all. Which I passed, but then I had to do online tests. Apparently I’m not as smart as I’m supposed to be. Back to the boots and overalls with me it seems…

    So I’ll join you in saying “fuck you” to all those companies.

  2. It sounds like the perfect job for you, Marty. You should try some of the smaller companies, I’ve heard Contiki are smug and hard to get into. There’s a blogger on my blogroll who is doing it right now, You Look Like A Frog, maybe you could hit her up for info? Keep trying..

  3. This Devil’s Workday – Yup. What rejection of any sort is not personal? Impersonal rejections do not exist, they’re all a “you’re not good enough for me/us” in one way or another. I know, I know, at least I got the interview, at least I got a story of sorts out of it. Keep on truckin’.

    LuLi – Well I was questioning myself even as I did the interview, in a “aren’t I just pushing the real shit back yet one more year if I do this?” kind of way. So it wasn’t a huge loss, but it stung some anyway. Maybe I’ll try again with a different company at some point if I’m still in the mood later on.

    I had a look at your mate’s website, some of the things she wrote about an interview she did sounded very familiar. As if knowing the start and end dates of WW2 means anything (1939-45 ;o)

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